share your truth

I stand in the shadows of my own disappointment wondering if I will ever be able to pull myself out of this sorrow.  My inner critic is on a roll and has an awful lot to say. About how I am not good enough. And who do I think I am anyway to try to make such a big thing happen.  She is relentless and won’t stop. Has this ever happened to you?  

All of her words are washing over me, penetrating my heart and tearing me down.  It is painful to stand in this darkness. I want to curl up and hide. I don’t want anyone to see me wallowing.  But I know that I can’t stay in the dark forever. I need to emerge from the shadows even if that means my scars will be seen. 

And so I step out into the light.  Eyes squinting, unsure of where I am.  It takes a lot for me to share this pain. To show up with my heart on my sleeve.  To allow others to see my failure. Even though I don’t want to, I know that it must be done.  I cannot hide in my bunker forever. 

I reach out, looking for a friendly face. I share my pain.  Share my heartache. Share my disappointment. In this sharing, something beyond expectation happens.  People lean in. Hold my hand. And even walk the path with me. They show me the way when I don’t know which way to go.  They remind me that I am never alone.    

I didn’t want anyone to know that I fell flat on my face.  I didn’t want anyone to know that I failed. But here’s the thing, we don’t always make it to the top of the mountain.  Sometimes we stumble. Sometimes we fall. It is all a part of living. And all of it matters, not just the pretty perfect pieces but the messy ones as well.  

And so I encourage you to not hide your pain.  Don’t stand alone in your shadows. Others may not have walked through what you have, but they have navigated their own struggles.  They know what it feels like to not feel good enough. They know what it feels to fall down and have to peel themselves off the floor.  

I would still be standing in my own darkness, feeling like I wasn’t good enough had I not reached out.  It is in opening our hearts and sharing our experiences that we connect. Being vulnerable. Not always having to appear perfect.  We need to share our raw, honest self. Even when it isn’t pretty.  

I am grateful that I didn’t stay hidden.  Grateful that I had the courage to share my truth.  I am coming out on the other side with so much tucked inside my heart.  I stand a little bit taller than before. Yes, I am not where I want to be.  But I am here, surrounded by love. I took a chance. I tried. And I am better for it.  I have found a new pair of wings to help me fly and only one question remains.

What will I do with my new found wings?

3 things you need to know about self-care

Looking for a way to show yourself some self-care? Join me at the Soul Circle Retreat!

Do you crave connection with like-minded souls?  
As human beings, we need moments to connect and help us grow into who we are meant to be. Retreat is a beautiful and sacred way to cultivate this.  It provides an opportunity to disconnect from the hustle and reconnect to your great big beautiful heart!

Choose to do something for yourself and join me by the sea! The ocean is an amazing place to detoxify your soul.

October 2nd-6th in New Jersey!

stepping up to the challenge

A year ago I stepped up to the starting line and ran the Verizon Corporate Challenge.  It was a balmy 90 degrees with 100% humidity.  I had been running infrequently and signed up for the race because of the coaxing talk of my co-workers.  

Some would consider the course hilly, and a year ago that is exactly how I felt.  Before you make the final turn and get a glimpse of the finish line there is a hill you have to climb.  Last year I struggled up that hill.  My body did not want to move, my lungs were tired, and from the side of the road I heard "use your arms".  I am not even sure who shouted those words and they most likely weren't even talking to me, but that phrase has stuck with me.  Each time I am climbing a hill I repeat in my head "use your arms".  It has become my hill climbing mantra.  

Stepping up to the starting line this year I am a completely different runner.  I have logged mile after mile and climbed hills that I never thought I would make it to the top of.  I am not just a causal runner like I was last year.  I could no longer joke about just wanting to finish without passing out.  I am a runner.  A runner who is training for the NYC Marathon.  

As I made my way through the course this year my body felt strong.  My mind did not once say "I want to stop, I want to stop" as it used to do.  I was prepared mentally and physically.  Those hills that pushed me to the limits and challenged me last year were a walk in the park.  On the last hill where I received the wise words of "use your arms" I started laughing out loud. . . . this was the hill that was a killer, really?  

It is so good to feel the results of all the hard work I have been putting in.  To have a place to compare back to and be able to measure what I have overcome.  I have grown leaps and bounds simply from steadily showing up.  When things were hard and I wanted to quit I kept going.  When I didn't want to run and my mind kept telling me to stay home instead, I laced up my sneakers and went out the door.  It wasn't always easy, but I always showed up.  Even in the rain, the cold, and the sweltering heart you would find me out there pounding the pavement as I racked up my miles.  

I have learned that so much can be accomplished when we put our minds to it.  When we stick to our guns and show up day after day after day.  It isn't always going to be pretty.  There will be days and moments when it totally sucks!  But if we stick to it progress is made.  We begin to feel stronger.  And soon running three miles is a walk in the park and we are aiming to push past 14.  It is amazing what we are capable of.  

What big dream do you want to accomplish? Go ahead .... say yes to it and show up.  It will begin to unfold and you will be amazed.