not the way it was supposed to be

Traveling has made me miss my mom more than I ever thought. Usually I have used travel to escape...be somewhere else.  Forget about life for a moment and live somewhere I wish I could stay forever.  But being on the road has made my moms absence even more present.  

Whenever I traveled I always looked for something to bring back for her. Something small and meaningful that would make her and I feel that she was right there with me. While waltzing through the maze that is Pikes Place market there were so many things that I knew would have remade her smile. I gazed at the items looking to pick out the perfect one and suddenly I was snapped back to reality. No matter what I purchased she wasn't going to be around for me to give it to her. 

Sitting on the plane to Aruba my eyes filled with tears out of no where. I missed my mom like something fierce. I remembered fondly the trip we took with her. The hysterical tube ride. Snorkeling. Hanging on the beach. Being teased for ironing. And her love for the gift shop. I am so grateful to have these memories. To have experienced such an exotic place with my mom who was more than happy to just spend some time with us at the jersey shore. 

I miss her deeply. I wish it was different. I don't understand why it had to end this way. It hurts. She was to young. So filled with life. It wasn't her time. She was supposed to be laughing with her grandchildren. Watching my new house be built. She was supposed to be there on the day of my wedding, beaming with pride.   

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was never supposed to be like this. Yet here we are.