Such a long time...

It has been such a long time since I have been here.  

It feels like I am treading on unknown waters.  

I have been drowning in my thoughts and struggling to swim to the surface during these cold winter months.  

It is dark, gray and dreary.  

I have felt a whirlwind of emotions:

happiness, sorrow, loss, compassion, anger, alone, fulfilled.

Each emotion pulling at the other leaving me confused and unsure.

Some days I forget how to stand

Other days I am dancing gracefully through the air with ease.

My heart feels full 

My soul feels empty

A roller coaster ride of thoughts creeping up on me when I least expect it.

I long for creativity, for a sense of self, and a smile to come back to my face.  

I long to feel whole again.  

I am not sure how I got here.

I didn't notice myself venturing off the path, but I wander sometimes.

It can lead to brilliant adventures or dangerous struggles.

I am on the edge of the struggle.