choosing to be "uncool"

I noticed that I have been playing it safe.  I have been standing on the ground I know and not taking steps into that uncomfortable territory.  When I stand in this space I am protected.   I know what to expect.  I know the roads to travel down.   I can get from one place to the other with my eyes closed, because I have been here before many times.  

But what if I stretched?  What if I pushed myself beyond this zone of comfort and showed up in a space that was unknown and unpredictable.  What would happen?  What if I didn't allow myself to hide?  What if I became the "uncool" kid in a group of "cool" kids?  What if I said what I really wanted to say?  What if I choose to feel it all, even when it didn't feel so good?

I know that when I push myself past the edges I am uncomfortable.  I do not know what to expect, how to prepare, or what to bring along for the ride.  I step into this great unknown and I must learn how to adapt along the way.  It feels raw and messy.  It is scary.  

But when I show up in this space, free of expectations and ready to feel all the feels, I have the opportunity to unlock something inside of me that I didn't even know was there.  I have the chance try something new, meet new people, learn something I never knew about myself.  Doors open where I didn't even a door was there.  Moments that I could never ever have dreamed of occur and I am cracked open.  Changed forever in the best possible way.  

I know I need to push myself outside of my comfort zone.  I need to show up when it feels hard and raw.  I need to be brave with my voice and speak the words I truly want to speak.  I need to do it anyway, even in the face of fear.  I need to allow myself to feel the raw, tender, unknown feelings and take away whatever it teaches me.  I need to step into the great expanse.  

It is not easy to be the "uncool" kid.  To create my own path rather than follow the lead of others.  It takes work, lots of work.  And it takes an incredible amount of courage.  There will be many heartaches along the way.  Intense moments when I doubt myself and think this is just all to much.  But as I keep stepping forward I see the strength I have.  I recognize how far I have come.  I know that these uncomfortable feelings are taking me to places bigger than I ever could have dreamed of. 

I am choosing to be the "uncool" kid.  To use my voice.  To stand in my power.  To not let anyone bring me down.  These are my moments and I can create them how I choose.  I am going to bravely step into the arena and navigate my own path.