moments

When your mom passes away you feel like the whole world should stop, but it doesn't
Instead it buzzes around you in it's usual fashion
And you can't make sense of it
What once was an every day activity becomes a chore to complete
It feels like work to get out the door
Everything seems fuzzy and nothing is right

There moments when you can't tell up from down
Tears flow from your eyes at a moments notice
Standing in the line at the grocery store feels like it takes hours
Your chest constrains and you think you can't breathe
You have to get out of there instantly
And you are not even sure why

This new "normal" was nothing you ever expected
You weren't ready for this and you don't know how you will weather the storm
So you do the one thing you know how to do
You grab a piece of paper and a pen
And you write every memory you can remember
You do not want to forget a single moment

The way you held her hand in those final hours
The scent of the shampoo as you washed her hair
The sound of her voice as she cheered for you from down the street
The deep embrace
The moment she sat on the couch across from you and opened up
You want to hold onto it all

You tuck each memory in your pocket
Saving it for the moment you need it most
And a smile forms across your face because there are so many good memories
So much light and happiness
Corny jokes and backyard gatherings
Her life wasn't as long as you wished it to be, but it was full of goodness