letters across the miles

Dear Kristine,

Have you ever stood in a room of people and felt so incredibly alone?  Isolated even amongst the conversation.  Sad, unsure of who you really are?

As an introvert I struggle with casual conversation.  I want to get to the heart of it.  Pull out the meat and guts and examine them.  I want to know what is really beneath the surface.  Dig into the layers that so many of us keep hidden.

But that is not an easy thing to do upon first meeting someone.  It is hard for me to find the quiet space to have the conversation.  It takes time to develop the trust that is required for deep heart examination.

Sometimes the environment gets the best of me and swallows me whole.  Sinking deep into that invisible feeling.

Other times I rise above.  Standing firmly in who I am.  Seeking out someone to connect with, or removing myself from the situation all together.

It is a dance I have not yet mastered.  Still stepping on toes, unsure of when to take the lead and when to follow.

Have you ever felt this way?